One of the most practical skills in the Bipolar IN Order framework is also one of the simplest to describe: learning the difference between what you feel during a bipolar state and how you react to it.
This distinction matters because most people — and many treatment approaches — treat feelings and reactions as the same thing. If the feeling is intense, the reaction seems inevitable. But they are not the same thing, and recognizing the difference opens up something important: the possibility of choice.
The Belief That Holds People Back
One of the most common objections when this idea comes up is: "What about when it's too intense? Surely I have no control then?"
It is a fair question. And the honest answer is: at the highest levels of intensity, for most people in the earlier stages of working with their condition, the range of available choice is genuinely narrow. This is not a failure of character; it is where most people start.
But with training and practice, that range expands. The goal is not to claim immediate choice at all intensities. It is to gradually extend the range of intensities within which a genuine choice about behavior exists.
A Practice Exercise
The following exercise has been used in Bipolar IN Order workshops to make this distinction concrete. It works best as a written practice, done regularly.
Step 1: Choose a state and intensity level.
Pick a state — mild depression, low-level anxiety, early-stage hypomania — and a level of intensity. Begin with lower intensities, where the exercise is easier to do clearly. As you get better at the process, apply it to more intense states.
Step 2: Write down what the state feels like.
Describe the experience itself — not what you do about it, but what it is like to be in it. Focus on the physical sensations, the mental quality, the emotional texture, and the spiritual dimension if that is part of your experience. Be specific. This is harder than it sounds, because our minds immediately jump to our reactions.
Step 3: Write down how you typically react.
How do you usually behave when you are in this state? If your behavior has changed over time, write down both the old pattern and the current one.
Step 4: Write down other possible reactions.
What other ways could someone respond to this same state? This is where the exercise starts to open things up. You are not committing to anything — you are simply recognizing that more than one response is possible.
Step 5: Expand the options.
Consider how someone you respect would respond to the same state. Someone with great wisdom, someone who has genuinely mastered their own emotions. Write down what they might do differently.
Step 6: Ask the honest question.
Why don't you respond that way? This is the question that reveals where the actual work is. The gap between "what I know would be better" and "what I actually do" is where growth happens.
What This Practice Builds
Done regularly over a month or more, this exercise creates a growing library of self-knowledge about your states — what they actually feel like separate from your reactions to them — and a growing recognition that reactions are more variable than they initially seem.
This is not the whole toolkit. The Bipolar IN Order program includes many additional tools, each addressing different aspects of working with bipolar states. But this particular exercise is a good entry point because it requires no special equipment, can be done privately, and produces results that are immediately observable.
The deepest benefit is that it changes how you understand your own experience. Rather than feeling like a passive recipient of states that drive your behavior, you begin to see yourself as someone who is in relationship with those states — affected by them, but not entirely at their mercy.